Saturday Chat- July 26

I know it hasn’t exactly been a week since my last post, however I am sticking to this!

It’s Actually Really Hard.

 Soooo…. I bought the ticket. That means I have to go now. August 21st, at 2:45 pm. Portland to Frankfurt. Everyone has been asking me if I am excited. Yes. However, I am also absolutely scared out of my wits. I have avoided thinking about leaving because I don’t want to face my fear, nor the emotion that comes with the reality of living. My heart is torn because I love Oregon, but I love Germany. I call them both “home.” Some people might see this as an incredible adventure for me-which it is- but it is so much more than that. I bought a one way ticket. My generation says, “That’s awesome! You’re finally getting out of this town!” But, just getting out of this town is just the first step. I am leaving some of my very best friends who know me, all of me, and still love me. I am leaving my parents again but with no for sure date of return. I am leaving my best friend, my dog, Max. I am leaving my own room with my own things. I am leaving my car and other possessions that I can’t take with me on a plane. I am leaving the beautiful Oregon which I have hiked and camped in. I am leaving a church family that I have known for 20 years. I am leaving neighborhoods and streets which I have memorized. I am leaving some of the most delicious and cheapest food around. Now, ask me again if I am excited.

I am trying to tell you that, yes, I love Germany and I love this new season that I am entering in, but it’s not easy nor glamorous. The term “missionary” has been glamorized in society. When people say, “I’m going to be a missionary!”, people think, “Wow. They are going to go do something really cool somewhere in the world and they are so awesome.” MAYBE that is somewhat true. But it is not easy to just pick up and leave. It forces me to think about the call Jesus placed on my life two years ago right around this time. I was in German visiting and I had just hit rock bottom. I was sitting in the top floor of my house sitting on the computer, probably on Pinterest and then all of a sudden I hear, “Are you done, yet?” I was stunned. I was heartbroken. I bowed my head and closed my eyes and said, “Yeah. I am.” At that moment, I decided I would begin to follow Jesus. What the means to me now is that I said, “Jesus, I will follow you to the ends of the earth. I will say yes to you every morning no matter the cost.” That’s a large statement. The cost of following Jesus is great. It means a painful lifestyle and constantly living in the uncomfortable. A few weeks ago I thought I was feeling pretty pain-free and was completely comfortable with where I was in my relationship with Christ. In Revelation, Jesus basically says, “I don’t want you to be lukewarm. I can’t use you when you’re like that.” It only took about a week to realize I have a lot of pain and am in the most uncomfortable place possible. And I am totally okay with that. Jesus can use me at my best now.

Ab geht’s nach Bühl!

Photographer: Samuel Gesang

 

This is Bühl, Germany! It looks like a fairy-tale town. Every girl’s dream, right?

New Beginnings.

Guess what, I graduated Bible College!