Homesick.

Hi.

Funny sitting before the computer again and looking at a blank screen awaiting words.

This is sort of an update post, but more about my experiences with homesickness.

Since I arrived in Germany, I did not feel homesick once until just recently. I always said “Germany has always been my second home.” “Yeah, I miss my friends and family, but I love it here.” “I’ve toughed it out before, I can do it again.”

Well friends, here I am at the end of my toughing it out. Or should I really say the beginning.

I really didn’t miss home until now. The honeymoon stage of coming to Germany, being with my love again, beginning work, getting legally married, moving into a new apartment, the holidays and all of the other stuff are passed now. I sit here in my routine of a life– don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my life here!– and still feel like a piece of my heart is missing.

Being away from friends and family is hard enough with the “out of sight out of mind” concept. I was fine not hearing from people in the States often, because I had enough going on here to keep me occupied. But, those lack of conversations have added up and people are missing from me. Yes, long distance relationship/friendships are a two way street. I could have messaged people more often. Which is what I am trying to do now.

Something I have found to be interesting about my homesickness, is that when it hits, it hits. Someone could ask me what I want to do and the only things that pop up in my head are restaurants or places where I used to sit and read. And every place here in Germany that we could go to just wouldn’t suffice.

Homesickness for me is also closely tied to nostalgia and memories.

I miss home.

I miss Oregon and it’s chlorine water that costs nothing at restaurants.

I miss friendly strangers in supermarkets who allow me to go ahead of them in line because I only have a few items.

I miss sitting in my backyard in the springtime when I was younger on a Sunday afternoon seeing the cherry tree blossom it’s beautiful white flowers and doing cartwheels as I hear airplanes in the sky.

This memory leads me to wanting to go play golf with my dad at Langdon Farms and then eating chicken strips afterwards.

I miss going to Oswego Grill for happy hour. Or going to every McMenamins I could find.

I miss spontaneously driving around because I didn’t want to sit at home and no one was available so I would drive around and eventually end up at Target.

I miss cuddling with my dog Max and watching Gossip Girl on a Monday afternoon and slowly drifting into a little nap that would last until my Dad got home in the evening.

I miss my parents.

I miss my friends.

I miss my house.

I miss all of these things. And I am still trying to figure out what role this hole in my heart is turning me into. I know I am exactly where I need to be and that I do not regret the choices that got me to where I am now. I love my home and wish everyone could see it and experience this life with me.

But sometimes, it’s okay to miss home. Home is what got me here. I hope home misses me, too.

Until next time,

Sara ❤

Those Nets, Man.

It’s funny being in these last few days before I leave. It reminds me of the time when I left for my exchange four years ago. I was an excited 16 year old who was so ready to leave the country for the first time for a new and exciting adventure. I was excited to leave Canby and leave home to do something different. Now, being 20, my feelings of leaving have completely changed. Even though I know I am coming back home to visit, I don’t know when that date is exactly. I thought because I was older and have been away from home for a long period of time before, it would be easier. Well, it’s not.

I have grown so much closer to my parents and friends, especially in these past two years. I am so proud to be my parents’ daughter. I am glad I have been blessed with parents who love and support me, even in the hard things. It has become painfully apparent that leaving my parents and dog is the hardest thing I am having to do. My Dad and I were talking last night about how he wishes he could watch me continue to grow and thrive in my life, but the distance makes that nearly impossible. Yes, there will be days and times when I can come home to visit and spend time with them here, or there if they come visit me. But it’s just different. I am missing time to spend with him and my Mom as each of us grow older.

Jesus asks us, “Come and follow me” and that means leaving our nets. No matter what those nets look like, we have to leave them aside because our identity is not in them. My identity is in Christ because I know that He loves me, has redeemed me and has called me to be a shepherd of His people and glorify Him in a place that has forgotten their First Love. Nets may look different for everyone, and they may even change through different seasons of life. During ID, my nets were social media and letting go of texting boys. It was because I found my self worth and identity in those things. Now, my nets are the things that are comfortable and the things I love most. I am having to learn how to leave my most precious nets to continue to follow the One who calls my name and leads me further down the narrow path. Jesus is the One I want to follow all the days of my life and I can’t do that unless I am completely empty and stripped of things that I haven’t been able to hand over completely to Him.

Surrender with me. Surrender those things which are blessings to you, because they have come from Him first. They are His, just as You are His. Follow Him. Leave your nets and follow Him. The journey is pretty spectacular.

xoxo, Sara