Homesick.

Hi.

Funny sitting before the computer again and looking at a blank screen awaiting words.

This is sort of an update post, but more about my experiences with homesickness.

Since I arrived in Germany, I did not feel homesick once until just recently. I always said “Germany has always been my second home.” “Yeah, I miss my friends and family, but I love it here.” “I’ve toughed it out before, I can do it again.”

Well friends, here I am at the end of my toughing it out. Or should I really say the beginning.

I really didn’t miss home until now. The honeymoon stage of coming to Germany, being with my love again, beginning work, getting legally married, moving into a new apartment, the holidays and all of the other stuff are passed now. I sit here in my routine of a life– don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my life here!– and still feel like a piece of my heart is missing.

Being away from friends and family is hard enough with the “out of sight out of mind” concept. I was fine not hearing from people in the States often, because I had enough going on here to keep me occupied. But, those lack of conversations have added up and people are missing from me. Yes, long distance relationship/friendships are a two way street. I could have messaged people more often. Which is what I am trying to do now.

Something I have found to be interesting about my homesickness, is that when it hits, it hits. Someone could ask me what I want to do and the only things that pop up in my head are restaurants or places where I used to sit and read. And every place here in Germany that we could go to just wouldn’t suffice.

Homesickness for me is also closely tied to nostalgia and memories.

I miss home.

I miss Oregon and it’s chlorine water that costs nothing at restaurants.

I miss friendly strangers in supermarkets who allow me to go ahead of them in line because I only have a few items.

I miss sitting in my backyard in the springtime when I was younger on a Sunday afternoon seeing the cherry tree blossom it’s beautiful white flowers and doing cartwheels as I hear airplanes in the sky.

This memory leads me to wanting to go play golf with my dad at Langdon Farms and then eating chicken strips afterwards.

I miss going to Oswego Grill for happy hour. Or going to every McMenamins I could find.

I miss spontaneously driving around because I didn’t want to sit at home and no one was available so I would drive around and eventually end up at Target.

I miss cuddling with my dog Max and watching Gossip Girl on a Monday afternoon and slowly drifting into a little nap that would last until my Dad got home in the evening.

I miss my parents.

I miss my friends.

I miss my house.

I miss all of these things. And I am still trying to figure out what role this hole in my heart is turning me into. I know I am exactly where I need to be and that I do not regret the choices that got me to where I am now. I love my home and wish everyone could see it and experience this life with me.

But sometimes, it’s okay to miss home. Home is what got me here. I hope home misses me, too.

Until next time,

Sara ❤

Ooops. Update.

Well friends, I am still alive and well. I could do the whole “Sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while, I’ve been really busy” speech, but I don’t want to. I just haven’t gotten around to it, okay?!

What have I been doing: Well, the last time we spoke, I told you that I was having troubles with my visa. That is currently still an issue. We haven’t had time in the past few weeks to return to the foreigners office to turn in some different papers as a new option, but we are hoping to do that this week.

Also, I took a week of “vacation” where I went back home in Südlohn to visit my friends and families there. It was a wonderful time to see a decent handful of people again, but that also made it a little bit tiring and a little stressful. But it was definitely worth it. It was so weird to be back because it felt like a dream but also a bit of a nightmare? It was weird to be back to the place that radically changed me life for the better and worse, as a different person, and after two years since my last visit. Things had changed. There were new buildings, new houses, things were taken down, friends had new people in their lives, people changed. It’s funny, when I returned home from my exchange, I expected everyone to have changed just as I had. When I came home, I found everyone was the same and nothing had changed. When I returned to Südlohn, I was expecting everything to be the same, but a lot changed. It scared me a little. I felt weird and a little out of place. It was no longer the place I had in my memories. The place in my memories will remain only there… All my friends are growing up and moving on in their life, just like I am. So I shouldn’t have been disappointed, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. Nevertheless, it was nice to see the people I did get to see.

After coming back home, I got a boyfriend. I don’t want to use this post as the spot where I tell you all the story of how it all came to be, but maybe in another post if you can handle the cuteness and me bragging about him. Let me know. But basically, he is the reason I haven’t written in a while. We have been spending a lot of time together, and the past two weeks he worked in the mornings so we spent the afternoons/evenings together after I got off work. So… there’s your reason. (Yes, I am writing this blog post because he is working evenings this week. So what.)

This past weekend, the youth staff of our church took about 15 kids from ages 12-16 on a retreat in a cute, little village in the Black Forest. We learned about friendship: what a good friend is, Jesus is our friend, and it is important to have friendships. It was surprisingly not at all stressful or overwhelming as most retreats with youth that age are. They were a great group and we had a lot of fun. It was a great opportunity for me to get to know them better and them me. We played mini golf, soccer, some fun group games, capture the flag, and we worshipped Jesus together. Not a lot of time to sleep, but it was worth it.

Now, we here are starting, slowly but surely, to enter into the busy season known as October retreats and November conferences and December’s Christmas.

How I am doing: I feel… good. I really feel at home here and haven’t had much thought of homesickness. I think the fact that I know the language and culture already, and already know some people here has really made a difference. I don’t feel like a new kid anymore, and I have been more accepted into the church body and it is just cool. My English has decreased significantly, which is a good thing, but definitely annoying when people ask me what things mean or when I try to skype with someone; I always want to answer in German and even typing this, I think grammatically in German and can’t remember how to phrase things in English. On the flip side, my German is slowly but surely improving. That’s what matters, right?

How can you pray for me: Pray against homesickness. Along with the upcoming busy and Christmas season, comes stress and wanting old comforts which lie at home. Pray for strength for me through the season, as well. Pray for a growing relationship between my boyfriend, Micha, and myself. That we can be strengthened as a team and grow into the likeness of Christ together, pushing each other towards the goal that is Christ. Pray continually for my visa. Pray for a continued hunger and thirst for quiet time with Jesus. It has gotten a little too easy and comfortable now to not want to wake up a little earlier to chat with Jesus.

I love you all, and I want to apologize for my slow repsonses to texts, messages, or just not messaging any of you ever because I am the worst at that. I read everything, I promise, I just need to set aside time where I focus on you guys. Don’t be afraid to send me an email telling me how your life is going. This is my personal “How are you” message, to which all of you can reply to. I want to know things, too.

Also, let me know of any questions you have that you would like me to answer here. I have a few posts I am working on that I am hoping to get up within these next two weeks. Maybe one of them can be a Q&A. But you need to give me questions so I can answer them.

Until next time,

Sara ❤