Homesick.

Hi.

Funny sitting before the computer again and looking at a blank screen awaiting words.

This is sort of an update post, but more about my experiences with homesickness.

Since I arrived in Germany, I did not feel homesick once until just recently. I always said “Germany has always been my second home.” “Yeah, I miss my friends and family, but I love it here.” “I’ve toughed it out before, I can do it again.”

Well friends, here I am at the end of my toughing it out. Or should I really say the beginning.

I really didn’t miss home until now. The honeymoon stage of coming to Germany, being with my love again, beginning work, getting legally married, moving into a new apartment, the holidays and all of the other stuff are passed now. I sit here in my routine of a life– don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my life here!– and still feel like a piece of my heart is missing.

Being away from friends and family is hard enough with the “out of sight out of mind” concept. I was fine not hearing from people in the States often, because I had enough going on here to keep me occupied. But, those lack of conversations have added up and people are missing from me. Yes, long distance relationship/friendships are a two way street. I could have messaged people more often. Which is what I am trying to do now.

Something I have found to be interesting about my homesickness, is that when it hits, it hits. Someone could ask me what I want to do and the only things that pop up in my head are restaurants or places where I used to sit and read. And every place here in Germany that we could go to just wouldn’t suffice.

Homesickness for me is also closely tied to nostalgia and memories.

I miss home.

I miss Oregon and it’s chlorine water that costs nothing at restaurants.

I miss friendly strangers in supermarkets who allow me to go ahead of them in line because I only have a few items.

I miss sitting in my backyard in the springtime when I was younger on a Sunday afternoon seeing the cherry tree blossom it’s beautiful white flowers and doing cartwheels as I hear airplanes in the sky.

This memory leads me to wanting to go play golf with my dad at Langdon Farms and then eating chicken strips afterwards.

I miss going to Oswego Grill for happy hour. Or going to every McMenamins I could find.

I miss spontaneously driving around because I didn’t want to sit at home and no one was available so I would drive around and eventually end up at Target.

I miss cuddling with my dog Max and watching Gossip Girl on a Monday afternoon and slowly drifting into a little nap that would last until my Dad got home in the evening.

I miss my parents.

I miss my friends.

I miss my house.

I miss all of these things. And I am still trying to figure out what role this hole in my heart is turning me into. I know I am exactly where I need to be and that I do not regret the choices that got me to where I am now. I love my home and wish everyone could see it and experience this life with me.

But sometimes, it’s okay to miss home. Home is what got me here. I hope home misses me, too.

Until next time,

Sara ❤

Outgrowing Friendships?

WARNING: THIS IS A TOUCHY SUBJECT. YOU MIGHT DISAGREE. LET’S BE NICE.

Since I decided to take a break from Instagram and Facebook, I have been spending a lot of time reading. I am currently reading four different books at the same time. I don’t necessarily recommend this to anyone, but it makes me feel like I am being more productive. Anyways, in one of the books, a question came up which I thought was thought-provoking and a difficult one to answer.

Can one outgrow a friend? A best friend?

I believe the majority of people would give a definite YES. People change and other hobbies or partners become involved and take away most of their time. Or people move far away and you never hear from them again! I know I can attribute to this because growing up as a kid, you create SO many friendships and then by the end of high school you realize that you maybe only talk to a small amount of the people you once had a friendship with. I could give you an endless amount of names of people I used to be really close to, and now only hear about their life through their Facebook feed. There are others who probably don’t even remember me! Honestly, I wouldn’t mind checking my phone and seeing a simple “Hey, how are you? How have you been?” from some people I used to be friends with. It’s not because we had a falling out or anything, we just sort of… stopped talking? I can’t pin point any days or times when I can say “THERE was when we stopped being friends.”

Now, for conversation’s sake, let’s look at the opposite view of outgrowing friends. What if I was still friends with everyone I used to be friends with? That would be A LOT of people (not because I was popular or anything, just everyone makes a decent amount of friendships throughout their life). Some people I hardly see now, I still consider friends because it sounds nicer than “acquaintance”.

SHOULD we even outgrow friends? I think a lot of friendships fail or end because one or both parties stop communicating. This is a basic problem for any relationship. Friends fight, then decide they don’t want to resolve the issue and both go on with their life. What would their life and relationships look like if they both decided to talk things out, and if things were to end, it ended on good terms?

Sometimes people outgrow friends because their friend did something annoying or one thinks the other has changed and isn’t the same person anymore? First, we as humans are always changing and growing in our personalities because of life. Our wisdom grows and so do our life experiences. Now, if someone changed negatively, it is easy to say that you don’t want to be their friend anymore. However, when someone’s life takes a turn negatively, I believe the thing they need the most is a friend. Someone who is there in rock bottom with them, with an open hand to help them stand up. Now it will always be their choice whether they want help or not. But to say, “Well I did my job, now you’re on your own” is rough and I’m not sure is right.

There is a difference between tough love and abandoning someone.

• Tough love says: You are in a rough spot and I have done all I could to help. Now you need to make your own decisions and I am always here if you need me.
• Abandonment says: You have changed and are doing bad things I don’t want to be a part of. You’re on your own.

When friends are in a rough place, let’s be sure that we are there for them. And if you are in a rough place, I would pray that you see the love that surrounds you and that you have friends who are sitting there in the dark with you. But be sure you don’t abuse the friendship, either.

Abuse in a friendship. Let’s talk about this one for a second. I have had abusive friendships. They are not fun. When I say abusive, I do not mean physically. I mean those friends who use you for your time, energy and money. I am a friend who is always willing to buy you a coffee when we meet, or pay for your meal, or just drive you around to where you need to go! But once my willingness becomes an opportunity for you to get things for your own gain, that’s when I stop. If I stop hanging out with you or doing these things for you, it is because of the past multiple times I have felt emotionally abused by you. I no longer feel that you want to actually spend time with ME, but rather you know I am someone who will do these things for you and if you had anyone else to do those things for you, you would never have bothered to contact me in the first place. This does not mean that I do not love these people…still! Rather, I would appreciate the time we did spend together as a time where it was wanted time from both sides. If you are in this position, I advise you to communicate with the other person how you are feeling! One of two things will happen: 1) they will apologize and will try to be a better friend, or 2) they will say “you’re wrong” and not talk to you anymore. I hope for every friendship that number two doesn’t happen.

Friendship and love go hand in hand. Love is a choice. Therefore friendship is also a choice! How we act towards our friends is 100% a choice. You don’t have to be nice. But you also don’t have to be mean.

Now, back to the idea of can you outgrow a friend?

I think, yeah. You can if you want. You can decide to not put in the effort to keep up communication of any form and then watch your once friendship turn into something where you only hear about each other over Facebook.

Should we outgrow a friend?

I’ll leave that to you to think about. I want to hear what you think. This is a tough subject, and probably hits home for some people. Let’s get the conversation going!

 

Also, my views should not be taken as one who is a perfect friend. I have “outgrown” friendships and I haven’t always been there for every friend I had/have. Relationships are hard. They’re messy. Let’s talk about it.

Lady Tip: Us vs. Gentlemen

I have been wanting to write about this for awhile, and I am so excited to finally getting around to it. Since having a boyfriend, I have learned a LOT about relationships and boys; how boys tick and work. And BOY, who woulda thunk that there was also going to be a lot I had to learn about myself.

I had known ever since I met Micha that he has a servant’s heart. But I wasn’t expecting the different ways in which he would show it to me. When we would go shopping (or just anywhere in general), he would want to: hold all the clothes I would want to try on; carry all my bags; tell me to sit and wait in the car until he got out first to open my door; carry my coat to the car; or pull my chair back for me to sit down at a restaurant. Girls talk about these things a lot (especially those single ladies). We all want a guy who treats us like a princess and is what we call “a gentleman”. But I think that there are many girls, like myself, who think the term “princess” and these acts of services as things for girls who have “whipped” their boyfriends.

Let me take this time to explain that I have had to learn that by no means do these actions define Micha, or any man who does this, as being whipped. To be honest, when Micha first started doing these things for me, I was embarrassed. All I could think about was what other people were thinking. They probably thought that I was a prissy too-good girl who made my boyfriend hold my things. I also had this independent, feminist attitude about how I could carry my own things. I can open my own door. I had this urge to want to prove to him, to others and to myself that I could do all these things by myself.

But here’s the thing: He WANTED to do these things for me. If I didn’t let him, then he didn’t feel like he was showing his love to me. I had to learn that when we think chivalry is dead, maybe it’s because we don’t give men the opportunity to do these things. The actions of a gentleman should be more than him buying his lady a Starbucks Frappuchino and buying her roses. Although those things are nice, that’s not all we should allow a man t do. I am not saying that we should set high expectations, and if they don’t do these things then we should break up with them. This article is more just for the men who want to do these things and to the girlfriends to allow them to do it.

Let men be gentlemen. They want to. Normally.

Ooops. Update.

Well friends, I am still alive and well. I could do the whole “Sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while, I’ve been really busy” speech, but I don’t want to. I just haven’t gotten around to it, okay?!

What have I been doing: Well, the last time we spoke, I told you that I was having troubles with my visa. That is currently still an issue. We haven’t had time in the past few weeks to return to the foreigners office to turn in some different papers as a new option, but we are hoping to do that this week.

Also, I took a week of “vacation” where I went back home in Südlohn to visit my friends and families there. It was a wonderful time to see a decent handful of people again, but that also made it a little bit tiring and a little stressful. But it was definitely worth it. It was so weird to be back because it felt like a dream but also a bit of a nightmare? It was weird to be back to the place that radically changed me life for the better and worse, as a different person, and after two years since my last visit. Things had changed. There were new buildings, new houses, things were taken down, friends had new people in their lives, people changed. It’s funny, when I returned home from my exchange, I expected everyone to have changed just as I had. When I came home, I found everyone was the same and nothing had changed. When I returned to Südlohn, I was expecting everything to be the same, but a lot changed. It scared me a little. I felt weird and a little out of place. It was no longer the place I had in my memories. The place in my memories will remain only there… All my friends are growing up and moving on in their life, just like I am. So I shouldn’t have been disappointed, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. Nevertheless, it was nice to see the people I did get to see.

After coming back home, I got a boyfriend. I don’t want to use this post as the spot where I tell you all the story of how it all came to be, but maybe in another post if you can handle the cuteness and me bragging about him. Let me know. But basically, he is the reason I haven’t written in a while. We have been spending a lot of time together, and the past two weeks he worked in the mornings so we spent the afternoons/evenings together after I got off work. So… there’s your reason. (Yes, I am writing this blog post because he is working evenings this week. So what.)

This past weekend, the youth staff of our church took about 15 kids from ages 12-16 on a retreat in a cute, little village in the Black Forest. We learned about friendship: what a good friend is, Jesus is our friend, and it is important to have friendships. It was surprisingly not at all stressful or overwhelming as most retreats with youth that age are. They were a great group and we had a lot of fun. It was a great opportunity for me to get to know them better and them me. We played mini golf, soccer, some fun group games, capture the flag, and we worshipped Jesus together. Not a lot of time to sleep, but it was worth it.

Now, we here are starting, slowly but surely, to enter into the busy season known as October retreats and November conferences and December’s Christmas.

How I am doing: I feel… good. I really feel at home here and haven’t had much thought of homesickness. I think the fact that I know the language and culture already, and already know some people here has really made a difference. I don’t feel like a new kid anymore, and I have been more accepted into the church body and it is just cool. My English has decreased significantly, which is a good thing, but definitely annoying when people ask me what things mean or when I try to skype with someone; I always want to answer in German and even typing this, I think grammatically in German and can’t remember how to phrase things in English. On the flip side, my German is slowly but surely improving. That’s what matters, right?

How can you pray for me: Pray against homesickness. Along with the upcoming busy and Christmas season, comes stress and wanting old comforts which lie at home. Pray for strength for me through the season, as well. Pray for a growing relationship between my boyfriend, Micha, and myself. That we can be strengthened as a team and grow into the likeness of Christ together, pushing each other towards the goal that is Christ. Pray continually for my visa. Pray for a continued hunger and thirst for quiet time with Jesus. It has gotten a little too easy and comfortable now to not want to wake up a little earlier to chat with Jesus.

I love you all, and I want to apologize for my slow repsonses to texts, messages, or just not messaging any of you ever because I am the worst at that. I read everything, I promise, I just need to set aside time where I focus on you guys. Don’t be afraid to send me an email telling me how your life is going. This is my personal “How are you” message, to which all of you can reply to. I want to know things, too.

Also, let me know of any questions you have that you would like me to answer here. I have a few posts I am working on that I am hoping to get up within these next two weeks. Maybe one of them can be a Q&A. But you need to give me questions so I can answer them.

Until next time,

Sara ❤

See Sara Go To Bühl

I went, I flew, I came. I’m here. Well. I can’t even begin to describe to you how I am feeling and how things have been so far. If I had one word, it would be: Incredible.

I guess I will start by telling you what leaving was like. The worst. All I wanted to do was breakdown and cry (and I did in the bathroom of the airport). I tried to hold myself together as I said goodbye to Sami and Emily who were also there, and also to my parents who came to the gate with me. I wanted the goodbye to be quick and harmless, like ripping a band-aid off. But you know those times when something hurts, but you are with people and you say it’s fine, but you are just waiting until you can leave to go to your room and cry because it’s not fine? Well, that was basically how I felt. Once I got on my first plane to Seattle, I wrote down on my phone how I was feeling, as a way to vent. Here is what I wrote:

Tuesday Chat- July 22

Friends, I am sorry that I am getting this update to you now instead of three days ago. I don’t think any of you are offended by any means, but it has been a goal of mine to become a regular poster, so this mistake falls on me. Please keep me accountable! Anyways, just pretend that today is Saturday. 

Summer Bucket List

I don’t know about you guys, but every year I try to formulate some form of a bucket list for the summer. Normally, as suspected, they don’t work out very well. Last summer my goal was to make my way through all of the Harry Potter books, get really fit and work out every day, and tidy up the garden in the backyard. I read four of the Harry Potter books, weeded out three pots and worked out for maybe a week. I am not the best at developing and keeping new and healthy habits. However, I think that I, among many others, always have good intentions about what we would like to do with the summer break that we are given.

This year, I would like to create a more realistic list of things I would like to accomplish this summer before I leave for Germany. 

Saturday Chat- July 5

Happy 5th of July, friends! I hope you all had a wonderful 4th with friends, family and fireworks. I attended my town’s traditional fest in the middle of Canby. “General Canby Days” has a long-standing reputation in my mind filled with wonderful memories of glittery halos, water balloon yo-yo’s, elephant ears, dunk tanks, parades and obviously lots of candy. It seems that in the past couple of years, the number of people in attendance and the number of booths available have diminished, and it seems to keep getting smaller and smaller. This day was always the day where the ENTIRE town came and you would get to see friends from school since school was out of the summer. Yesterday was the first time where I only saw a handful of people I knew! Less then half were people that I graduated high school with! I was a little heart broken because it was a reminder that people grow up and don’t always stay to live in the town most of us have called “home” for a very long time. Nevertheless, I had a wonderful time hanging with some of my good friends. We ate, we watched the parade, and we sat in the park listening to some good ‘ol tunes as children danced in the grass.