The Engagement.

There is something so beautiful about writing out the story of some of the most precious moments that happen in your life. As life goes on and memory fades, words stand still. I want to be able to read this again over the next decades of my life and remember this.

September 20th.

After waking up really late, I dragged myself out of bed to head downstairs to go to church. I wasn’t feeling very motivated to see so many people, yet. But I am so glad I went. So many people were there and were so sweet in welcoming me back. After church, Micha and I went out with our friends, Raphael, Christine, Jones und Francine und Milan. We went to this new restaurant in Bühl that serves vegan food. We all had burgers and ice cream. We had so much fun, even though we were causing a bit of a ruckus. After lunch, Micha and I went to a nearby salt water pool that is used to relax and has jets to massage your back and different muscles. We were there for a couple of hours just relaxing and enjoying our final moments of vacation together. We then headed back to the house for a delightful house meeting/dinner. After that we both wanted to go out for a bit and took a little drive in a convertible lent to us by a friend. We drove through small towns and through the black forest. It was beautiful to see the stars and be the only car on the road. It was so peaceful and fun. We stopped at a viewpoint where we could see city lights of difference villages all over the land. Then Micha said he wished he had wine and was like… “Let’s drive home and get some wine and drive somewhere else.” I was like…. “It’s almost midnight but okay.” So we drive all the way back home and he runs into the house to pick up wine and some other things.

September 21st. 12 am.

He finally gets back to the car and we head off again. We end up at this spot among vineyards and we trek up this steep hill to get to the top that has a really cool view. There was a little hut and Micha had brought blankets and rugs for us to sit on. He pulls out some good red wine and a couple of glasses and says, “Happy one year.” We sip on some wine and enjoy the view before he stands up and says he wants to go look at something. He goes back down the hill a bit and he eventually comes back with something in his hand. He sits down and hands me some grapes that he tore off from the vines. He hands me the bunch and in it was a ring. I pick it up and start to cry. He got down on one knee and asked me, “Do you want to be my wife?” I started crying uncontrollably and couldn’t get any words out. I could only nod my head and hug him. The ring is so beautiful. It had this silver band that has little bumps, making it look uneven and like a branch. Near the diamond, there is a small branch that extends out, that looks like a leaf. The part of the ring that holds the diamond is made with a soft gold and the diamond is so beautiful. He told me that he picked this ring because Jesus is the Vine and we are the branches and we abide in Him (John 15). That is why he put the ring in the grapes because they are the fruit from the vine. The spot he took me to was also a spot where he would go with a friend to talk about life and their dream girl.

For those of you who don’t know me very well, I am not much of a crier. I will cry when I am devastated or when Jesus is speaking deeply to me or when a dog dies in a movie. But other than that, I don’t cry very often. I have never cried out of pure joy and happiness before. This was the first time and neither of us thought I would cry, but I did. There was something so spiritual that happened there. I was experiencing a new love for Micha. Not a newlywed infatuation type of thing, but a deep, deep love. A love that I didn’t think I could possess for someone. I instantly felt connected to him like never before and it was almost as if Jesus had married us then and there. I think my favorite part about it all was that it all felt so spontaneous, only to find out it wasn’t. (Well, kind of because he originally planned on doing it over breakfast.) But we weren’t dressed up fancy or anything. I was basically in pajamas and didn’t have any make up on.

Micha, I am so excited to experience life with you in all seasons. In the good, the bad and the weird. I love you and thank you for being so wonderful to me through all of my craziness, the ups and downs, and the distance. I couldn’t ask for anyone better to share my life with and you are my number one team mate. I am excited to see what our wedding day will be like and the love that will pour out from there from us and from God! Bring your tissues!

Until then,

xoxo Sara

P.S. I love marriage

I, like a lot of people these days, have heard just about everything there is about marriage (thanks, internet). Most want to fall in love, get married, have kids, and happily grow old together. Happy, happy, happy!

Then… you get the authors, wives from Facebook and marriage counselors who sober you up with truth about how there is no “one” or “soulmate.” They remind you that not everyone is perfect and that there are some rough roads you have/get to travel down when you marry someone. They remind you of the vows that you say at your wedding, the “better or for worse” ones, and that you will have to make a choice to continue to love and forgive  them even if they did something really shitty and hurt you.

All of these things are true. We are not perfect as human beings, and you will never find someone who completes your list that lies in the back of your mind when you meet someone. We are bound to hurt each other some way or another when we get married, or into any form of a relationship for that matter.

But, see… now I want to hear about the wonderful things about marriage! Sure, there is the wonderful thing most teenagers dream of: seeing each other everyday and it’s okay, getting to sleep in a bed together, and sex. But I want to hear about the awesome things apart from those that you get to experience in a marriage! I want to be encouraged when I get married. I don’t want another sobering sermon on how we aren’t perfect and neither is our relationship.

Tell me about loving someone, truly loving someone. Tell me about going out to dinner after 40 years of marriage and there is still something to talk about! Tell me you still get butterflies when you hold hands!

If we are going to encourage my generation-who is terrified of getting married because of divorce rates and enjoys sleeping around for pleasure instead of investing love into one person- then tell them why marriage is wonderful! Yes, hearing the sobering truths is important before a marriage. However, I want to know there is hope after the “in love” high has died. Satisfy the romantic in me.

I want to hear from you!! Share about your love and marriage in the comments below. I might post them in a follow up blog post one day for all to read 🙂

xoxo

Outgrowing Friendships?

WARNING: THIS IS A TOUCHY SUBJECT. YOU MIGHT DISAGREE. LET’S BE NICE.

Since I decided to take a break from Instagram and Facebook, I have been spending a lot of time reading. I am currently reading four different books at the same time. I don’t necessarily recommend this to anyone, but it makes me feel like I am being more productive. Anyways, in one of the books, a question came up which I thought was thought-provoking and a difficult one to answer.

Can one outgrow a friend? A best friend?

I believe the majority of people would give a definite YES. People change and other hobbies or partners become involved and take away most of their time. Or people move far away and you never hear from them again! I know I can attribute to this because growing up as a kid, you create SO many friendships and then by the end of high school you realize that you maybe only talk to a small amount of the people you once had a friendship with. I could give you an endless amount of names of people I used to be really close to, and now only hear about their life through their Facebook feed. There are others who probably don’t even remember me! Honestly, I wouldn’t mind checking my phone and seeing a simple “Hey, how are you? How have you been?” from some people I used to be friends with. It’s not because we had a falling out or anything, we just sort of… stopped talking? I can’t pin point any days or times when I can say “THERE was when we stopped being friends.”

Now, for conversation’s sake, let’s look at the opposite view of outgrowing friends. What if I was still friends with everyone I used to be friends with? That would be A LOT of people (not because I was popular or anything, just everyone makes a decent amount of friendships throughout their life). Some people I hardly see now, I still consider friends because it sounds nicer than “acquaintance”.

SHOULD we even outgrow friends? I think a lot of friendships fail or end because one or both parties stop communicating. This is a basic problem for any relationship. Friends fight, then decide they don’t want to resolve the issue and both go on with their life. What would their life and relationships look like if they both decided to talk things out, and if things were to end, it ended on good terms?

Sometimes people outgrow friends because their friend did something annoying or one thinks the other has changed and isn’t the same person anymore? First, we as humans are always changing and growing in our personalities because of life. Our wisdom grows and so do our life experiences. Now, if someone changed negatively, it is easy to say that you don’t want to be their friend anymore. However, when someone’s life takes a turn negatively, I believe the thing they need the most is a friend. Someone who is there in rock bottom with them, with an open hand to help them stand up. Now it will always be their choice whether they want help or not. But to say, “Well I did my job, now you’re on your own” is rough and I’m not sure is right.

There is a difference between tough love and abandoning someone.

• Tough love says: You are in a rough spot and I have done all I could to help. Now you need to make your own decisions and I am always here if you need me.
• Abandonment says: You have changed and are doing bad things I don’t want to be a part of. You’re on your own.

When friends are in a rough place, let’s be sure that we are there for them. And if you are in a rough place, I would pray that you see the love that surrounds you and that you have friends who are sitting there in the dark with you. But be sure you don’t abuse the friendship, either.

Abuse in a friendship. Let’s talk about this one for a second. I have had abusive friendships. They are not fun. When I say abusive, I do not mean physically. I mean those friends who use you for your time, energy and money. I am a friend who is always willing to buy you a coffee when we meet, or pay for your meal, or just drive you around to where you need to go! But once my willingness becomes an opportunity for you to get things for your own gain, that’s when I stop. If I stop hanging out with you or doing these things for you, it is because of the past multiple times I have felt emotionally abused by you. I no longer feel that you want to actually spend time with ME, but rather you know I am someone who will do these things for you and if you had anyone else to do those things for you, you would never have bothered to contact me in the first place. This does not mean that I do not love these people…still! Rather, I would appreciate the time we did spend together as a time where it was wanted time from both sides. If you are in this position, I advise you to communicate with the other person how you are feeling! One of two things will happen: 1) they will apologize and will try to be a better friend, or 2) they will say “you’re wrong” and not talk to you anymore. I hope for every friendship that number two doesn’t happen.

Friendship and love go hand in hand. Love is a choice. Therefore friendship is also a choice! How we act towards our friends is 100% a choice. You don’t have to be nice. But you also don’t have to be mean.

Now, back to the idea of can you outgrow a friend?

I think, yeah. You can if you want. You can decide to not put in the effort to keep up communication of any form and then watch your once friendship turn into something where you only hear about each other over Facebook.

Should we outgrow a friend?

I’ll leave that to you to think about. I want to hear what you think. This is a tough subject, and probably hits home for some people. Let’s get the conversation going!

 

Also, my views should not be taken as one who is a perfect friend. I have “outgrown” friendships and I haven’t always been there for every friend I had/have. Relationships are hard. They’re messy. Let’s talk about it.

Let It Go.

What I am about to talk about has no correlation to the movie, Frozen. So get those lyrics out of your head right now.

Romans 7:15-20 is a daily struggle for the majority of us. We keep coming back to our flesh’s ugly habits. We (our spirits) don’t want to do these things, yet we (our flesh) do them anyway. It’s an ugly cycle where shame, guilt and condemnation can claim its victims. This is the cycle I faced this morning.

When I go into “flesh-mode,” there is almost this moment where my conscience, my emotions and everything just kind of goes numb. Then once it’s all over, I am quickly sobered by conviction. My spirit mourns for the sin I committed against myself and my Lord. Your face falls into your hands and a sigh of regret slips out of your lungs.

The enemy says: God is angry and judging you. How dare you do that once again.

Jesus says: I’m here.

The enemy says: Think of the people you will hurt.

Jesus says: You’re forgiven.

The enemy says: You’re never going to quit this. You’ll just keep doing it over and over again.

Jesus says: I made you free from ALL bondages.

In these times we have the opportunity to choose which voice we want to listen to. Do you want to trust the voice of the wolf who stands in sheep’s clothing waiting to devour you? Or the voice of the One who called you by name and knew you even before you were in the womb? The voice of the One whose name is Truth and Love? The One who stands with open arms and forgiveness in His hands?

I choose to run to Him. Take His hands and stand back up. This walk is a fight, but the enemy cannot keep us down. The GREAT I AM is on our side, O sons and daughters of the MOST HIGH. Praise His Holy Name.

Repent. Then praise.

Just Another Article About Marriage.

First, let’s get some things straight.

1. I am not a love professional or marriage counselor by any means. I may be wrong.
2. We all have different opinions based on past actions our own personal experiences.
3. If necessary, let’s agree to disagree and still be friends.

Lady Tip: Us vs. Gentlemen

I have been wanting to write about this for awhile, and I am so excited to finally getting around to it. Since having a boyfriend, I have learned a LOT about relationships and boys; how boys tick and work. And BOY, who woulda thunk that there was also going to be a lot I had to learn about myself.

I had known ever since I met Micha that he has a servant’s heart. But I wasn’t expecting the different ways in which he would show it to me. When we would go shopping (or just anywhere in general), he would want to: hold all the clothes I would want to try on; carry all my bags; tell me to sit and wait in the car until he got out first to open my door; carry my coat to the car; or pull my chair back for me to sit down at a restaurant. Girls talk about these things a lot (especially those single ladies). We all want a guy who treats us like a princess and is what we call “a gentleman”. But I think that there are many girls, like myself, who think the term “princess” and these acts of services as things for girls who have “whipped” their boyfriends.

Let me take this time to explain that I have had to learn that by no means do these actions define Micha, or any man who does this, as being whipped. To be honest, when Micha first started doing these things for me, I was embarrassed. All I could think about was what other people were thinking. They probably thought that I was a prissy too-good girl who made my boyfriend hold my things. I also had this independent, feminist attitude about how I could carry my own things. I can open my own door. I had this urge to want to prove to him, to others and to myself that I could do all these things by myself.

But here’s the thing: He WANTED to do these things for me. If I didn’t let him, then he didn’t feel like he was showing his love to me. I had to learn that when we think chivalry is dead, maybe it’s because we don’t give men the opportunity to do these things. The actions of a gentleman should be more than him buying his lady a Starbucks Frappuchino and buying her roses. Although those things are nice, that’s not all we should allow a man t do. I am not saying that we should set high expectations, and if they don’t do these things then we should break up with them. This article is more just for the men who want to do these things and to the girlfriends to allow them to do it.

Let men be gentlemen. They want to. Normally.

Ooops. Update.

Well friends, I am still alive and well. I could do the whole “Sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while, I’ve been really busy” speech, but I don’t want to. I just haven’t gotten around to it, okay?!

What have I been doing: Well, the last time we spoke, I told you that I was having troubles with my visa. That is currently still an issue. We haven’t had time in the past few weeks to return to the foreigners office to turn in some different papers as a new option, but we are hoping to do that this week.

Also, I took a week of “vacation” where I went back home in Südlohn to visit my friends and families there. It was a wonderful time to see a decent handful of people again, but that also made it a little bit tiring and a little stressful. But it was definitely worth it. It was so weird to be back because it felt like a dream but also a bit of a nightmare? It was weird to be back to the place that radically changed me life for the better and worse, as a different person, and after two years since my last visit. Things had changed. There were new buildings, new houses, things were taken down, friends had new people in their lives, people changed. It’s funny, when I returned home from my exchange, I expected everyone to have changed just as I had. When I came home, I found everyone was the same and nothing had changed. When I returned to Südlohn, I was expecting everything to be the same, but a lot changed. It scared me a little. I felt weird and a little out of place. It was no longer the place I had in my memories. The place in my memories will remain only there… All my friends are growing up and moving on in their life, just like I am. So I shouldn’t have been disappointed, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. Nevertheless, it was nice to see the people I did get to see.

After coming back home, I got a boyfriend. I don’t want to use this post as the spot where I tell you all the story of how it all came to be, but maybe in another post if you can handle the cuteness and me bragging about him. Let me know. But basically, he is the reason I haven’t written in a while. We have been spending a lot of time together, and the past two weeks he worked in the mornings so we spent the afternoons/evenings together after I got off work. So… there’s your reason. (Yes, I am writing this blog post because he is working evenings this week. So what.)

This past weekend, the youth staff of our church took about 15 kids from ages 12-16 on a retreat in a cute, little village in the Black Forest. We learned about friendship: what a good friend is, Jesus is our friend, and it is important to have friendships. It was surprisingly not at all stressful or overwhelming as most retreats with youth that age are. They were a great group and we had a lot of fun. It was a great opportunity for me to get to know them better and them me. We played mini golf, soccer, some fun group games, capture the flag, and we worshipped Jesus together. Not a lot of time to sleep, but it was worth it.

Now, we here are starting, slowly but surely, to enter into the busy season known as October retreats and November conferences and December’s Christmas.

How I am doing: I feel… good. I really feel at home here and haven’t had much thought of homesickness. I think the fact that I know the language and culture already, and already know some people here has really made a difference. I don’t feel like a new kid anymore, and I have been more accepted into the church body and it is just cool. My English has decreased significantly, which is a good thing, but definitely annoying when people ask me what things mean or when I try to skype with someone; I always want to answer in German and even typing this, I think grammatically in German and can’t remember how to phrase things in English. On the flip side, my German is slowly but surely improving. That’s what matters, right?

How can you pray for me: Pray against homesickness. Along with the upcoming busy and Christmas season, comes stress and wanting old comforts which lie at home. Pray for strength for me through the season, as well. Pray for a growing relationship between my boyfriend, Micha, and myself. That we can be strengthened as a team and grow into the likeness of Christ together, pushing each other towards the goal that is Christ. Pray continually for my visa. Pray for a continued hunger and thirst for quiet time with Jesus. It has gotten a little too easy and comfortable now to not want to wake up a little earlier to chat with Jesus.

I love you all, and I want to apologize for my slow repsonses to texts, messages, or just not messaging any of you ever because I am the worst at that. I read everything, I promise, I just need to set aside time where I focus on you guys. Don’t be afraid to send me an email telling me how your life is going. This is my personal “How are you” message, to which all of you can reply to. I want to know things, too.

Also, let me know of any questions you have that you would like me to answer here. I have a few posts I am working on that I am hoping to get up within these next two weeks. Maybe one of them can be a Q&A. But you need to give me questions so I can answer them.

Until next time,

Sara ❤

Those Nets, Man.

It’s funny being in these last few days before I leave. It reminds me of the time when I left for my exchange four years ago. I was an excited 16 year old who was so ready to leave the country for the first time for a new and exciting adventure. I was excited to leave Canby and leave home to do something different. Now, being 20, my feelings of leaving have completely changed. Even though I know I am coming back home to visit, I don’t know when that date is exactly. I thought because I was older and have been away from home for a long period of time before, it would be easier. Well, it’s not.

I have grown so much closer to my parents and friends, especially in these past two years. I am so proud to be my parents’ daughter. I am glad I have been blessed with parents who love and support me, even in the hard things. It has become painfully apparent that leaving my parents and dog is the hardest thing I am having to do. My Dad and I were talking last night about how he wishes he could watch me continue to grow and thrive in my life, but the distance makes that nearly impossible. Yes, there will be days and times when I can come home to visit and spend time with them here, or there if they come visit me. But it’s just different. I am missing time to spend with him and my Mom as each of us grow older.

Jesus asks us, “Come and follow me” and that means leaving our nets. No matter what those nets look like, we have to leave them aside because our identity is not in them. My identity is in Christ because I know that He loves me, has redeemed me and has called me to be a shepherd of His people and glorify Him in a place that has forgotten their First Love. Nets may look different for everyone, and they may even change through different seasons of life. During ID, my nets were social media and letting go of texting boys. It was because I found my self worth and identity in those things. Now, my nets are the things that are comfortable and the things I love most. I am having to learn how to leave my most precious nets to continue to follow the One who calls my name and leads me further down the narrow path. Jesus is the One I want to follow all the days of my life and I can’t do that unless I am completely empty and stripped of things that I haven’t been able to hand over completely to Him.

Surrender with me. Surrender those things which are blessings to you, because they have come from Him first. They are His, just as You are His. Follow Him. Leave your nets and follow Him. The journey is pretty spectacular.

xoxo, Sara