I also wanted to title this “How To Be Okay When Your Plan Doesn’t Work Out”. But I thought the other one was more fitting.
I am not sure how to say this. I am a melting pot of emotions and feel just really weird. These past few weeks have been crazy emotional and stressful. I haven’t written anything to you in awhile because I wanted to wait to share this with you. As you know, I was having problems with my visa. As of today, it is official that I can not stay in Germany past the 19th because I have not been able to receive a visa to stay past the 90 days given visa-free. I am coming home, friends.
These past few months have been a battle of fighting to get a visa. We would go to the foreigner’s office to show them papers, then have them tell us, “No it won’t work, she doesn’t fit into this kind of visa.” So we would keep going back to try to apply for a different visa: a Freiwilliges Soziales Jahr (Volunteer Year), Student, Praktikum, Ausbildung (Internship). But they wouldn’t recognize the internship in any of these slots. I was not receiving enough money and was informed today that if I were to apply for a year’s visa, I would need all the money for that year up front and already in my bank account (roughly $10-20,000). They wouldn’t accept the fact that I was receiving money monthly from sponsors at home and the reason I wasn’t getting paid for working at the church was because I could live and eat by the Geiselharts. This made these past few months really weird and stressful for me because the time was getting closer and closer to the end of the 90 days. This past week, I knew in my heart that it was going to be a no. It was a little defeating. The final straw was when in one day, I received two letters: one from the foreigner’s office telling me that if we didn’t have any other ideas of a way to get a visa, then I would have to leave by the 19th; the second from my German health insurance which told me they could no longer insure me because they also didn’t recognize the internship. I also got an email that said that I had only received $50 from home (thank you, to those who sent it). This all came on one day and I realized that if those weren’t a sign that God was seriously closing these doors and fast, then I don’t know what a sign is. However, I still had a little hope. I thought, “Maybe this is an opportunity where Jesus wants to show me his sovereignty and strength where he shows me a miracle. I am at the lowest point where I can do literally nothing. All the power is in His hands and maybe He will miraculously turn things around!” Although those statements are true, it didn’t turn out as I would have hoped.
I didn’t get my visa because:
- I didn’t pray enough.
- I didn’t have enough faith.
- I didn’t have enough hope.
- I didn’t trust Him enough.
- I did something wrong and now He is punishing me.
- I was not walking in His will by being here.
- This isn’t my call.
It can be SO easy to think and believe any one of these was the reason things didn’t work out. But, honestly, that is not the kind of God we serve (I am not going to go into the “Oh, you of little faith” discussion). I have an incredible and supernatural comforting peace about this. Yes, it’s hard and a little confusing because I don’t know what my next step is, BUT, I know Jesus is so intimately close to me through this transition and He is leading me somewhere else and I am so excited to see what else He has for me. But, thankfully I serve a God who is faithful and reminded me of my call, love and passion for Germany. He is a God who has a far better plan than I can currently see. He wants the best for me and will lead me to something incredible. He answered my main prayer this past week: Close the doors You want to close and open those You want to open. My prayers changed from “Help me get my visa” to “Your will be done”. And I think that’s exactly where He wants us. My time here was not a waste of time or money. I have been able to invest into some young people’s lives. Others have invested and poured so much into me and blessed me. I have learned so much more about the German culture. I have met so many new people (and therefore have new connections). And of course I found my Micha. This was definitely a part of God’s plan. Just the not being able to stay was not a part of mine.
What now.
- Fly home. See you on the 18th.
- Get a job and start making money to save up for my next step. Got any ideas? Connections? Help?
- Find a car (goes with step 2).
- Pray.
- Wait.
I know my time in Germany is not over. It is just what that looks like is the question. It will be weird coming home after being sent out to basically live here. But let’s think of me coming home as an unexpected, extended and early visit home.
Because I know you will ask: “How is Micha doing with this? How are you guys?” We are surprised by the outcome. We are sad that we no longer have the opportunity to see each other every day any more. We will miss each other so unbelievably much. But we are planning on staying together. Distance doesn’t ruin relationship (ok sometimes it does), but I believe it strengthens it. We believe this time a part will be strengthening for the both of us. It will be a time to grow and truly seek what God has for both of us personally and as a couple. We are currently using up every spare moment we have together and enjoying the times where we can be together, because the day is QUICKLY approaching to when I can no longer hug him or see his pretty face. However, we are talking about visits. Hopefully you guys at home will have the chance to meet him soon. I cannot enter back into Germany until the 22nd of February. So hopefully he comes anytime between now and then. I think that if I don’t have my next step by then, I will come back for a while to visit.
Now I think I told you everything and answered any and all possible questions. If not, ask me in the comments and I will be sure to answer them.
I love you guys. Please continue to be praying for me and this new transition. I am just as in the dark about my future as you guys are. See you soon.
Sara ❤
See Sara Go 