How to Be Okay When His Plan Overrules Yours

I also wanted to title this “How To Be Okay When Your Plan Doesn’t Work Out”. But I thought the other one was more fitting.

I am not sure how to say this. I am a melting pot of emotions and feel just really weird. These past few weeks have been crazy emotional and stressful. I haven’t written anything to you in awhile because I wanted to wait to share this with you. As you know, I was having problems with my visa. As of today, it is official that I can not stay in Germany past the 19th because I have not been able to receive a visa to stay past the 90 days given visa-free. I am coming home, friends.

These past few months have been a battle of fighting to get a visa. We would go to the foreigner’s office to show them papers, then have them tell us, “No it won’t work, she doesn’t fit into this kind of visa.” So we would keep going back to try to apply for a different visa: a Freiwilliges Soziales Jahr (Volunteer Year), Student, Praktikum, Ausbildung (Internship). But they wouldn’t recognize the internship in any of these slots. I was not receiving enough money and was informed today that if I were to apply for a year’s visa, I would need all the money for that year up front and already in my bank account (roughly $10-20,000). They wouldn’t accept the fact that I was receiving money monthly from sponsors at home and the reason I wasn’t getting paid for working at the church was because I could live and eat by the Geiselharts. This made these past few months really weird and stressful for me because the time was getting closer and closer to the end of the 90 days. This past week, I knew in my heart that it was going to be a no. It was a little defeating. The final straw was when in one day, I received two letters: one from the foreigner’s office telling me that if we didn’t have any other ideas of a way to get a visa, then I would have to leave by the 19th; the second from my German health insurance which told me they could no longer insure me because they also didn’t recognize the internship. I also got an email that said that I had only received $50 from home (thank you, to those who sent it). This all came on one day and I realized that if those weren’t a sign that God was seriously closing these doors and fast, then I don’t know what a sign is. However, I still had a little hope. I thought, “Maybe this is an opportunity where Jesus wants to show me his sovereignty and strength where he shows me a miracle. I am at the lowest point where I can do literally nothing. All the power is in His hands and maybe He will miraculously turn things around!” Although those statements are true, it didn’t turn out as I would have hoped.

I didn’t get my visa because:

1. I didn’t pray enough.
2. I didn’t have enough faith.
3. I didn’t have enough hope.
4. I didn’t trust Him enough.
5. I did something wrong and now He is punishing me.
6. I was not walking in His will by being here.
7. This isn’t my call.

It can be SO easy to think and believe any one of these was the reason things didn’t work out. But, honestly, that is not the kind of God we serve (I am not going to go into the “Oh, you of little faith” discussion). I have an incredible and supernatural comforting peace about this. Yes, it’s hard and a little confusing because I don’t know what my next step is, BUT, I know Jesus is so intimately close to me through this transition and He is leading me somewhere else and I am so excited to see what else He has for me. But, thankfully I serve a God who is faithful and reminded me of my call, love and passion for Germany. He is a God who has a far better plan than I can currently see. He wants the best for me and will lead me to something incredible. He answered my main prayer this past week: Close the doors You want to close and open those You want to open. My prayers changed from “Help me get my visa” to “Your will be done”. And I think that’s exactly where He wants us. My time here was not a waste of time or money. I have been able to invest into some young people’s lives. Others have invested and poured so much into me and blessed me. I have learned so much more about the German culture. I have met so many new people (and therefore have new connections). And of course I found my Micha. This was definitely a part of God’s plan. Just the not being able to stay was not a part of mine.

What now.

1. Fly home. See you on the 18th.
2. Get a job and start making money to save up for my next step. Got any ideas? Connections? Help?
3. Find a car (goes with step 2).
4. Pray.
5. Wait.

I know my time in Germany is not over. It is just what that looks like is the question. It will be weird coming home after being sent out to basically live here. But let’s think of me coming home as an unexpected, extended and early visit home.

Because I know you will ask: “How is Micha doing with this? How are you guys?” We are surprised by the outcome. We are sad that we no longer have the opportunity to see each other every day any more. We will miss each other so unbelievably much. But we are planning on staying together. Distance doesn’t ruin relationship (ok sometimes it does), but I believe it strengthens it. We believe this time a part will be strengthening for the both of us. It will be a time to grow and truly seek what God has for both of us personally and as a couple. We are currently using up every spare moment we have together and enjoying the times where we can be together, because the day is QUICKLY approaching to when I can no longer hug him or see his pretty face. However, we are talking about visits. Hopefully you guys at home will have the chance to meet him soon. I cannot enter back into Germany until the 22nd of February. So hopefully he comes anytime between now and then. I think that if I don’t have my next step by then, I will come back for a while to visit.

Now I think I told you everything and answered any and all possible questions. If not, ask me in the comments and I will be sure to answer them.

I love you guys. Please continue to be praying for me and this new transition. I am just as in the dark about my future as you guys are. See you soon.

Sara ❤

Ooops. Update.

Well friends, I am still alive and well. I could do the whole “Sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while, I’ve been really busy” speech, but I don’t want to. I just haven’t gotten around to it, okay?!

What have I been doing: Well, the last time we spoke, I told you that I was having troubles with my visa. That is currently still an issue. We haven’t had time in the past few weeks to return to the foreigners office to turn in some different papers as a new option, but we are hoping to do that this week.

Also, I took a week of “vacation” where I went back home in Südlohn to visit my friends and families there. It was a wonderful time to see a decent handful of people again, but that also made it a little bit tiring and a little stressful. But it was definitely worth it. It was so weird to be back because it felt like a dream but also a bit of a nightmare? It was weird to be back to the place that radically changed me life for the better and worse, as a different person, and after two years since my last visit. Things had changed. There were new buildings, new houses, things were taken down, friends had new people in their lives, people changed. It’s funny, when I returned home from my exchange, I expected everyone to have changed just as I had. When I came home, I found everyone was the same and nothing had changed. When I returned to Südlohn, I was expecting everything to be the same, but a lot changed. It scared me a little. I felt weird and a little out of place. It was no longer the place I had in my memories. The place in my memories will remain only there… All my friends are growing up and moving on in their life, just like I am. So I shouldn’t have been disappointed, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. Nevertheless, it was nice to see the people I did get to see.

After coming back home, I got a boyfriend. I don’t want to use this post as the spot where I tell you all the story of how it all came to be, but maybe in another post if you can handle the cuteness and me bragging about him. Let me know. But basically, he is the reason I haven’t written in a while. We have been spending a lot of time together, and the past two weeks he worked in the mornings so we spent the afternoons/evenings together after I got off work. So… there’s your reason. (Yes, I am writing this blog post because he is working evenings this week. So what.)

This past weekend, the youth staff of our church took about 15 kids from ages 12-16 on a retreat in a cute, little village in the Black Forest. We learned about friendship: what a good friend is, Jesus is our friend, and it is important to have friendships. It was surprisingly not at all stressful or overwhelming as most retreats with youth that age are. They were a great group and we had a lot of fun. It was a great opportunity for me to get to know them better and them me. We played mini golf, soccer, some fun group games, capture the flag, and we worshipped Jesus together. Not a lot of time to sleep, but it was worth it.

Now, we here are starting, slowly but surely, to enter into the busy season known as October retreats and November conferences and December’s Christmas.

How I am doing: I feel… good. I really feel at home here and haven’t had much thought of homesickness. I think the fact that I know the language and culture already, and already know some people here has really made a difference. I don’t feel like a new kid anymore, and I have been more accepted into the church body and it is just cool. My English has decreased significantly, which is a good thing, but definitely annoying when people ask me what things mean or when I try to skype with someone; I always want to answer in German and even typing this, I think grammatically in German and can’t remember how to phrase things in English. On the flip side, my German is slowly but surely improving. That’s what matters, right?

How can you pray for me: Pray against homesickness. Along with the upcoming busy and Christmas season, comes stress and wanting old comforts which lie at home. Pray for strength for me through the season, as well. Pray for a growing relationship between my boyfriend, Micha, and myself. That we can be strengthened as a team and grow into the likeness of Christ together, pushing each other towards the goal that is Christ. Pray continually for my visa. Pray for a continued hunger and thirst for quiet time with Jesus. It has gotten a little too easy and comfortable now to not want to wake up a little earlier to chat with Jesus.

I love you all, and I want to apologize for my slow repsonses to texts, messages, or just not messaging any of you ever because I am the worst at that. I read everything, I promise, I just need to set aside time where I focus on you guys. Don’t be afraid to send me an email telling me how your life is going. This is my personal “How are you” message, to which all of you can reply to. I want to know things, too.

Also, let me know of any questions you have that you would like me to answer here. I have a few posts I am working on that I am hoping to get up within these next two weeks. Maybe one of them can be a Q&A. But you need to give me questions so I can answer them.

Until next time,

Sara ❤

Tuesday Chat- July 22

Friends, I am sorry that I am getting this update to you now instead of three days ago. I don’t think any of you are offended by any means, but it has been a goal of mine to become a regular poster, so this mistake falls on me. Please keep me accountable! Anyways, just pretend that today is Saturday. 

Saturday Chat

I wanted to become better at creating a regular posting, so I hope that this series called “Saturday Chat” will be a time of weekly updates with things I have been thinking about and how may week has been in general.

Thoughts: This morning when I woke up, I became very stressed and got into a bad mood very quickly, for almost no reason at all. I couldn’t tell you what caused it, but no matter how much fun I had last night, some days you just wake up and you’re not okay for some reason. There is really nothing you can do or anyone can do for you, but it’s just a part of life. They aren’t the best days, but they’re normal. I saw a video of a famous Youtuber, named Zoella, who posted a vlog where she felt very overwhelmed by her life and it inspired me. “Famous” people are still people who have bad days, too. Zoe had the guts to share a video with her viewers to show them that her life isn’t perfect and everything can all get to be a bit too much. I know how she feels because I think that was how I was feeling this morning. Below is the video if you care to see how she articulates her point of view on these kind of days.